i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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