I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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