My underwear smells like fireworks.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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