didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
