he wants to bone in the snuggie
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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