if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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