life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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