Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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