hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
