I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
