i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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