it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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