just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize