I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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