I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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