I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
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When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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