Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
