I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
