So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
