i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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