I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
