I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
