He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
