come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
