It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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