i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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