you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
either way he was missing a nipple.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
