What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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