Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
