Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
