I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
