this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
