Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
