Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
