he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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