I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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