Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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