but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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