booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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