be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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