So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
