I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
