I think my fart just growled at me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
