i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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