i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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