I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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