I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
