so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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