My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
