you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You are the jesus of drinking
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
