Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
