also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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