Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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