Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
