it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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