I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
