I will die if light touches me.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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