I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
